{"id":39,"date":"2023-07-10T00:25:24","date_gmt":"2023-07-10T00:25:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jerrykuntz.org\/harryhill\/?p=39"},"modified":"2023-07-11T00:38:46","modified_gmt":"2023-07-11T00:38:46","slug":"the-amateur-detective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jerrykuntz.org\/harryhill\/the-amateur-detective\/","title":{"rendered":"The Amateur Detective [published Oct. 1, 1882]"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

      Philip Brown, an old New Yorker, who recently died, full of years and honored of all men who knew him, was some years ago quite a flourishin\u2019 tradesman, and a shrewd, money-makin\u2019 man, with a keen head and a kind heart,– two things that don’t often go together\u2013a good wife, a happy, flourishin\u2019 family, and an A No. 1 character. He only had one pet weakness that I know of, and that was a belief that he was about the hardest man to \u201cfool\u201d livin\u2019. He thought nobody could ever deceive him, and that he was a natural born detective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Brown was very fond of the society of detectives\u2013very fond of readin\u2019 detective stories, and imagined himself about the best amateur detective livin\u2019. Vidocq was nothin\u2019 to him, so he thought; but he had a great likin\u2019 and respect for old Matsell, who, in turn, liked old Brown, and the two were often together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      One day Brown got a letter from a business house in Chicago, with the head of which he was very well acquainted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      This letter tickled the old man, for it was just the very kind of communication he had been wantin\u2019 and waitin\u2019 all his life to receive\u2013a letter with some mystery, the promise of some adventure, and above all, the chance of some detective work in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      The letter was marked \u201cconfidential\u201d and went on to say that the firm in Chicago had been robbed of fifty thousand dollars worth of securities by their head clerk, a young man of good family, who was a relative of one of the partners in the concern. It had been ascertained that the clerk whose hidin\u2019 place at present was mysterious, intended, sooner or later, to come on to New York to negotiate the securities, relyin\u2019 on his relationship with one of his partners enough to calculate that the firm wouldn’t put the matter into the hands of the police if they could possibly help it. Owin\u2019 to this relationship the firm did not want any police publicity; they wrote to Brown, askin\u2019 him as an old and tried business friend, to see if he couldn’t get hold, quietly, of the thief if he came to New York, and get him to disgorge his stolen wealth without havin\u2019 to call on the authorities. The letter contained some other directions about the treatment of the thief, in case Brown came across him, of which directions more hereafter. Of course the letter contained a full and minute description of the personal appearance of the head clerk, and also hinted at the assumed name which it was understood it was probable he would take.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Here was adventure and detective work enough, and Brown was as glad when he got that letter as if  it had been money in his pocket. He immediately set to work and went the tour each day of the hotels to see if the abscondin\u2019 head clerk was to be seen at any of \u2018em, and meanwhile he got Matsell, then Superintendent of the Police, to let him have an officer \u201cdetailed for special duty\u201d always at his beck and call, Brown, of course, standin\u2019 the expense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      In a few days Brown was made happy by findin\u2019 at the Fifth Avenue Hotel, the very man he was after, the head clerk from Chicago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      The man answered the description given of the head clerk in the Chicago letter exactly. Brown was perfectly certain of that, and as luck would have it, the fellow had assumed the very name that had been suggested. Evidently, the thief didn’t calculate on bein\u2019 seriously bothered by his victims, but then he hadn’t calculated on Brown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Brown set to work very cunnin\u2019ly and made the acquaintance of the abscondin\u2019 thief, who was certainly quite an agreeable fellow. Brown and the agreeable rascal got very intimate in a very short time, and one day, over their wine, the latter asked his companion where he could get some securities cashed. Brown said he did a little bankin\u2019 and broker business sometimes, and if it would be any accommodation to his dear young friend why he would cash this securities himself. The dear young man said it would be quite an accommodation, and so one day the agreeable young rascal and his companion, the amateur detective, got into a carriage and drove down to Brown’s place of business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      As Brown passed into his private office with his dear young friend, he saw his private policeman waitin\u2019 in the front office. Givin\u2019 the policeman the wink that somethin\u2019 was up, Brown led his companion into the private office, and then cautiously and quietly locked the main door, leavin\u2019 a little side door unlocked, however, for the benefit of the policeman if he should need him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cNow let’s have a look at the securities,\u201d said Brown smilin\u2019ly to his dear young friend. The latter pulled out a big pocketbook, but before he could get the securities out of it, Brown snatched at and seized the pocketbook.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cWhat is this?\u201d asked Brown’s companion, utterly thunderstruck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cWhy, it means, young man,\u201d said Brown, not smilin\u2019ly but sternly this time, \u201cthat these securities are stolen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cStolen!\u201d gasped the young man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cYes,\u201d said Brown, \u201cstolen from your trustin\u2019 employers in Chicago.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      The young man who had risen angrily, now sat down again, almost stupidly. He was dazed, he did not pretend to deny his guilt; he only seemed struck dumb with wonder at bein\u2019 caught.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cHow did you find this out?\u201d he stammered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cAh, young man, we found find out everythin\u2019 in New York,\u201d said Brown, half proudly, half patronizin\u2019ly, as if fully aware of his own cleverness in this matter. \u201cI am almost an old man, but I have seen the world and nothin\u2019 escapes me, no one can deceive me. You have failed to do so.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cI have indeed,\u201d said the discovered thief, hidin\u2019 his face in his hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cYou confess your guilt, then, and these securities are stolen,\u201d continued Brown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      \u201cYes, I confess all, and I throw myself on your mercy,\u201d cried the detected criminal. \u201cSpare me. You have all the securities I took intact. Spare me for my poor mother\u2019s and sister\u2019s sake.\u201d And the young man almost cried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Brown’s heart was touched. His vanity was gratified by the young man’s evident wonder at and appreciation of the way he had been caught. Brown was gratified at the easy way in which he had accomplished his victory, all by himself, without havin\u2019 to call in the policeman; he was pleased that he had put his business friends at Chicago under such an obligation by recoverin\u2019 all their stolen money for \u2018em so quietly; and he could afford to take pity on the poor criminal himself, because the very instructions to him in the Chicago letter requested as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      According to the Chicago letter, the head clerk had, when he entered the service of the firm, invested in it five thousand dollars of his own. This five thousand dollars the Chicago firm intimated they would like to have paid by Brown to the young man (advanced on the stolen securities, of course) so that the young man could have a fresh start in life on it, promisin\u2019 to leave the more settled States however, and startin\u2019 life out again in the Southwest or California, far from the temptations of large cities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Acting on these instructions, and guided by his own sympathies, too, Brown took pity on the now penitent and nearly heartbroken young man. Drawin\u2019 himself up, and drawin\u2019, too, on all his recollections of the old family Bible at home, Brown delivered \u201cthe greatest effort of his life\u201d before his audience of one. He spoke so solemnly, yet so feelin\u2019ly, that he affected his audience to tears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Then readin\u2019 to his crushed companion the Chicago letter, he\u2013according to the instructions\u2013said that not only would he not prosecute him, but he would at once advance him, upon his makin\u2019 the promises required, the amount suggested by his late employers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      The penitent thief made the solemn promises necessary, and then Brown sent his check-boy to the bank and drew five thousand five hundred dollars from it, which sum he handed over to the repentant rascal, who received it with tears and sobs of gratitude. This gratitude quite overpowered him in fact\u2013so much so that he didn’t remark that Brown had given him five hundred dollars more than his Chicago instructions called for. Grateful tears got in the way of his arithmetic. Tearful thankfulness don’t stop to count.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Brown gently reminded him, and told him that he must regard it as a gift from himself, in token of his belief in his sincere repentance and desire for reform. Right here, I guess, old Brown just fooled himself a little; for really Brown gave this extra five hundred chiefly because he felt so tickled at the success of his first detective job, and because the detected one himself had seemed all along to appreciate so highly the cleverness with which he had been detected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      At last, wringin\u2019 Brown\u2019s hand and callin\u2019 down blessings on his head with streamin\u2019 eyes, the repentant, grateful criminal left Brown’s place, to start that afternoon for the boundless West, to commence his life anew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      And Brown went to his friend Matsell, and telling him the outline of his story (without of course betrayin\u2019 confidence or tellin\u2019 names) received Matsell’s congratulations thereon. But Matsell didn’t seem to be very enthusiastic over the matter, as Brown had expected; and at partin\u2019, mysteriously told Brown to be sure and call on him, Matsell, after he, Brown, had heard from the firm in Chicago in answer to his letter informin\u2019 \u2018em what he had just done in their behalf in New York.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Then Brown went home and told his wife and children the story of the day’s adventures, and the wife and the children kissed him and the wife called him a good man. The minister who dropped in durin\u2019 the evening, too, called Brown a Christian, and said he had \u201cplucked a brand from the burnin\u2019.\u201d And happy Brown went to bed that night, thinkin\u2019 himself a kind of mixture of a chief of detectives and an archangel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

       But you are ought to have seen Brown when he got a letter from the Chicago house in answer to the one he had sent \u2018em on, one week after he had dismissed the penitent thief. He didn’t act a bit like an archangel then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      For the letter from Chicago said first that they their head clerk never robbed \u2018em; second, they hadn’t been robbed at all; third, they had never sent any such letter to Brown, as he said he had received\u2013it was a forgery\u2013and last, that the securities he had advanced five thousand dollars on were worthless, and that the penitent thief he had given the extra five hundred of his own to was simply a first-class swindler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Talk about your archangels. If you had seen and heard old brown then you would have thought he was a head devil. The way he went on was simply frightful, all to himself, however. He wouldn’t let on to anybody how he had been bamboozled, fooled, cajoled, slobbered over, cheated!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      He kept his own counsel, only he winced the next time his wife called him \u201cso good,\u201d and was downright cross when his Minister referred one day in Sunday School to the brand plucked from the burnin\u2019 business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Yet he did call to see Matsell, but it was to request Matsell to ask him nothin\u2019 more about \u201cthat matter.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      But Matsell, takin\u2019 the matter in hand, found out that it had been a job made up between a clerk of Brown, a smart but dissolute young chap, and a smart thief, Tommy King, since dead. The matter had been suggested first by the clerk as a practical joke on old Brown’s pet weakness, but had been turned into a matter of regular business by the thief, who had, however, gone back on the clerk and never given him his divvy of the five thousand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      At any rate, nothin\u2019 was ever done in the matter save dischargin\u2019 the clerk, and from that time till the day of his death old Brown never again attempted detective work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[Editor’s notes: George W. Matsell was Chief of the New York Municipal Police from 1845-1857, when the police force was (ungently) reconstituted as the New York Police Department. Matsell returned to serve as the Superintendent of Police in 1874-1875. An item in the New York Dispatch<\/em> of June 22, 1873, notes that “Tommy King” is one of the most noted criminals in the city: educated, affable, and not bad-looking. But whether “Philip Brown” was the real name of a real person, or an alias invented by Harry (and\/or his writer), or just a fiction created for an entertaining anecdote, is harder to tell. Between 1873 and 1882 (when this column appeared) there were no prominent obituaries for a “Philip Brown” in New York newspapers.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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